So why has my freshmen year of college started out so.... i want to say shitty but really not all of it has been that way, so i am gonna say interesting. life throws so many curve balls and i am getting sick of it. you know when you are babysitting to little kids and they want you to go some where with them but so does the other one, so they both start pulling and its pulling you apart. well i know what i need to do and want to do but i have some objects in the way that are hard to get around. you know when you are stressed out and all the little things get to you that normally wouldnt, well i let it happen tonight and i hate doing it or letting it happen or whatever you want to call it. I try to be so strong but you can only take so much and i guess i have almost reached my limit so the little things are.... well eating away at me.
I need someone to be there but i have no one really here at school for me. its hard when everyone is so far away when you are having bad times, i mean you have your friends at school now but its not the same cause you havent grown up with them, plus most of them you have only know for a month or so. you cant trust people you hardly know and i have most definitly learned that this year. wow it really hurts to mistrust. you meet some fucked up people, but hey thats life i guess, everyone has a different story and you can only get stronger from it. Or atleast i will try to get stronger and move on and "grow up" more.
Phone calls cant always help you out, like you need the real person right there in front of you. to tell you that it will be alright and to hold you and tell you that no one will ever harm you. someone to talk to face to face, some one that you can count on no matter what. thats hard when either they are in europe or well at school somewhere else. Then you see people with their boyfriends all happy cause they have that person there for them all the time and you are like shit, i wish i had that right about now or just that person to tell you those things.
Marisa
