I have not written on here in a couple of years now it seems. but i am starting again because well i dont really know why i am. it just seems like something i wanted to do today. lots of things in my life have changed over the past 2 years but life is ever changing. i have lost lots of people in 2 years at being at college. i have even lost my self a couple of times. people have moved away and become some what of shadows and ghosts. in recent months i lost a bestfriend... she was very passionate and very caring. she gives her heart and soul to people and does what she thinks is right for them. but not everything you think is right for someone truely is right for them, it just might be right for you. sometimes as understanding as you try to be in the end you must do what is right for you. you grow you change and you learn from the mistakes you have made and the people you meet. everyone changes your life in some way or another, it could be the smallest thing and you never know it or it could be something huge and you will always remember it. this girl has taught me to move on with my life no matter what is going because you cant change things in the past and you cant change the way a person is now. you may do everything in your power to help someone but in all reality they are going to do what they want to do and what they feel is the right thing to do for them. you may see things differently but you cant change someone and the way they feel. you get to a certain point in your life where things are not going to change about you, unless you want to change it. no one can change you and you cant change for someone else you truely deep down inside have to want to change. college is a time to grow and change and find yourself. to fall in and out of love and find that special someone who loves you for who you are and is there for you no matter what. losing a bestfriend is a terrible thing to go through, even harder when you are still around them and you dont even talk anymore, when you used to share so many smiles and memories together. good or bad you will always remember them. but i can no longer take the pain of it all for i have dealt with being mistreated and disrespected, when i have been ever so kind and never hurtful on purpose. i just tried to be honest with how i felt. but sometimes honesty comes with a price and it cost me a friend. in the end it was probably meant to be like this, i wish one day she could be friends with me again, but i doubt she will ever be able to do that. for once i have let go and left her behind for i can no longer let her hurt me anymore. i sound like i have no heart and that i am just dropping her and leaving with nothing. sometimes you just have to look out for yourself and not care what others think but they dont turely know what is going on, until it happens to them. it doesnt matter how you lose someone thur a death or if you are no longer on speaking terms, even if it wasnt in a good way you will still miss that person that you onced loved and had some many great memories with. i will never forget her because she has taught me so many things about life and about people and i will always remember the good times we have had.