so im sitting here with tears rolling down my face cause the one person i really care about.. he thinks im a snake and im shady... thats just great! i dont know what to do anymore... maybe i should just move on and stop trying to fight for him. cause nothing i do is ever right. i hang out with other guys and then its like well i want to hang out with you now i want you to stay the night. but why do you want me if you know i have been hanging out with this guy. whats the point of playing dumb? why dont you just say something or maybe its a trust thing. i just dont know anymore, if you look for some ones fautls thats all you are going to find. how am i suppose to stick around when i get nothing back that says i care about you too.... when all you feel like is a piece of meat... someone to pick them up and give them rides places... someone who doesnt even know a whole lot about your past. how can that person really say they know you?? im so sick of crying right now but i can not stop i thought everything was done friday night and then all of sudden its like im ready for a relationship but now its your shady... your just like every girl. ok well when is a guy to prove me wrong?? why am i always being the one tested?? why is everything always my fault? why am i always the one not trusted?? why is it when i want to move on they wont let go?? but then because i try to go out and do my own thing i get told i am shady and wrong.. we arent in a relationship and nothing like that would ever happen if we were. but nope i failed all the tests in the end because i was sick of not being the treated the way i wanted to be.. i didnt want to go back but i did and now hes makin me leave. he doesnt want me, im nothing he is looking for and can not be trusted... everything points to its your fault marisa.. your a fuck up and you cant do anything to fix! so live with it and live with your decisions, i guess this is just another person to cut out of my life. maybe it will be for the better and maybe this will actually be the final time i am saying this. cause why should i wait around any longer for someone who doesnt even want to be with me? my heart hurts so bad and its breakin... but i dont know what else i can do... im sick of opening up and then getting hurt. im sick of being on an emotional rollercoaster. im sick of someone not being there for me when i need them most. im sick of not knowing if the next day is going to be good or bad. im sick of all the drama, all the tears, all the lies, all the hurtful people, of everyone and of being the bad guy in everything i do. for people not believeing me but my bestfriends. im sick of all the judgement. im sick of feeling sick all the time. im just done with it all and with everyone. ill be a loner i dont care as long as i dont have the hurt anymore. i dont need any guy, i dont want any guy. im not responding to text anymore im not answering my phone. i am going to disappear from everything but going to school and work. next weekend is homecoming weekend but im not going out i dont even want to go to the game but i have to because my mom is coming to go to it. i hate saying goodbye to males in my life.. its so much harder for me and when they are close to me, it just kills me. i dont want to talk about anything anymore i dont want to tell anyone anything i just want to keep everything to myself because telling people doesnt seem to do anything for me nor does it solve any problems. so as of right now i am shutting down and i dont want to let my guard down for anyone. i dont really wanna talk and i dont want to cry anymore but i know that will never happen... well back to my studying i guess..