A little bit of Understanding
Have you ever asked yourself, why does this shit happen to me? I think I have asked myself that question for the last 5 years. Almost every day during some part of the day I am reminded of that one not so happy day. Whether someone says something about it or I see something that reminds me of my dad and comes back to me that he is gone. I feel that for about the last month people have been trying to pull me down, whether it was intentional or not. My life got flipped upside down once again. No one really understands the full affect of it on me either, you don’t know what it is truly like until it happens you, which I hope it doesn’t for a very long time. It will happen but it still won’t be the same as what happened to me. If you were a daddy’s girl like me and the next morning you woke up and he was gone for good, what would you do? I went into denial for long time, just hoping he was on a business trip and he would come back home. But in reality he was gone for good, never to been seen again in person, now all I have left is pictures. Maybe that is why I love pictures so much is because I have come to rely on them to remember what my dad looks like. You think that you will always remember someone but when they are gone things start to go. I am afraid I will forget all my memories with him and even sadder I don’t have anymore to make with him. Image waking up the next day and the closet parent to you is gone. You don’t get to hear there voice again, touch there warm skin, hug them, talk to them, walk with them. I will never get to experience my dad being at any of my high school basketball or soccer games, when I played at state. He was never there waiting for me to come out of the locker room for a congratulation hug or to cheer me up when we lost. He wasn’t there for my senior nights and when I broke a school record. He wasn’t there for graduation or when I made a first team for a sport. He hasn’t been there with me to experiences the wins and defeats. He won’t be there when I graduate from college or when I get my first job, when I buy my first house, when I have my first kid. He won’t ever be here again and I didn’t even get to say goodbye, he was just gone. He won’t be there to walk me down the isle when I get married. There is a little bit of how I feel and maybe that will help you all understand to some extent.
Goodbye,
Marisa
Have you ever asked yourself, why does this shit happen to me? I think I have asked myself that question for the last 5 years. Almost every day during some part of the day I am reminded of that one not so happy day. Whether someone says something about it or I see something that reminds me of my dad and comes back to me that he is gone. I feel that for about the last month people have been trying to pull me down, whether it was intentional or not. My life got flipped upside down once again. No one really understands the full affect of it on me either, you don’t know what it is truly like until it happens you, which I hope it doesn’t for a very long time. It will happen but it still won’t be the same as what happened to me. If you were a daddy’s girl like me and the next morning you woke up and he was gone for good, what would you do? I went into denial for long time, just hoping he was on a business trip and he would come back home. But in reality he was gone for good, never to been seen again in person, now all I have left is pictures. Maybe that is why I love pictures so much is because I have come to rely on them to remember what my dad looks like. You think that you will always remember someone but when they are gone things start to go. I am afraid I will forget all my memories with him and even sadder I don’t have anymore to make with him. Image waking up the next day and the closet parent to you is gone. You don’t get to hear there voice again, touch there warm skin, hug them, talk to them, walk with them. I will never get to experience my dad being at any of my high school basketball or soccer games, when I played at state. He was never there waiting for me to come out of the locker room for a congratulation hug or to cheer me up when we lost. He wasn’t there for my senior nights and when I broke a school record. He wasn’t there for graduation or when I made a first team for a sport. He hasn’t been there with me to experiences the wins and defeats. He won’t be there when I graduate from college or when I get my first job, when I buy my first house, when I have my first kid. He won’t ever be here again and I didn’t even get to say goodbye, he was just gone. He won’t be there to walk me down the isle when I get married. There is a little bit of how I feel and maybe that will help you all understand to some extent.
Goodbye,
Marisa
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